Friday Fictioneers : Last Orders

Copyright-Ted Strutz

PHOTO PROMPT- ©Ted Strutz


 

‘A double Kahlua and black, please. Want one, Fliss?’

Steph’s leopard print mini-skirt has ridden up, showing the end of a ladder that’s climbed her tights to the top of her thigh. Her knuckles are torn, bloodied.

‘Nothing for me, ta, Steph.’

She shrugs, eyes unfocused. This is the last bar in town that will serve her – she’s banned from all the rest, though even here they take her money before they give her the drinks.

As she slugs back the sticky brown syrup, I say, ‘Time to go, love.’

‘Been time to go for a long while,’ she mutters.

 


Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s Friday Fictioneers. See the photo and create a story around it in 100 words or fewer. Skip here for full Ts, Cs and to read the other stories.

Advertisements

54 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers : Last Orders

  1. I liked the bits I had to work at (like the connection between torn and bloodied knuckles and her being banned from all the other bars in town) as well as the desperate portrait of despair

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sweet! I think I must have a thing about alcoholics – I write about them quite a lot 🙂 Maybe it’s our pub culture? You can see a lot of human behaviour in pubs and clubs 🙂

      Like

  2. Dear Lynn,

    You’ve painted a brilliant picture of someone at the end of her rope. I could feel the despair and the fatigue.
    I was only a little confused by who was saying what and whose POV we’re in. Perhaps if the bartender was a male. It’s challenging in 100 words, isn’t it?
    At any rate, that’s a minor nitpick and I might just be up too early to see it clearly. 😉

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Rochelle. I think you’re right and it was something that occurred to me too. The speech definitely needs more attribution to clarify what’s happening. I’m glad you liked it despite that. Thanks for reading and for the feedback. All the best 🙂

      Like

  3. Maybe I am a bit simpler than the learned scribes above, or maybe I have just spent more time in bars, but I had no difficulty understanding the conversation here.
    Grim, gritty story, heading in only one direction.
    Terrific piece of writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thank you, C. Just a few more words and I would have cleared up the confusion. I’m glad you got the sense of it and thank you so much for your lovely comment. 🙂

      Like

    1. Thank you so much Joy. Yes, have met a few people – see some on the street every day – and you wonder how they’re still alive, wonder what it is in them that drives them to such self destruction. Thank you so much for reading 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank’s so much Kent. I feel for our leopard print clad lady, though fear life is just too difficult for her to bear. Thank you for your lovely feedback and for reading 🙂

      Like

    1. Thank you so much. I realised today I’m weirdly drawn to alcolics – in my writing at least. Written two stories about them this week alone! Is that odd? 🙂 Thanks for reading

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Sandra. I fear she is. I’m glad her sadness has come across to people – she might be antisocial but she’s not entirely unsympathetic. Thanks so much for reading 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. She sounds like she has given up and is just struggling along minute by minute. It’s so sad to see people get to that point. At least she still has one friend left. Hopefully, she can get her life turned around and headed in a happier direction.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s