PHOTO PROMPT- ©Ted Strutz
‘A double Kahlua and black, please. Want one, Fliss?’
Steph’s leopard print mini-skirt has ridden up, showing the end of a ladder that’s climbed her tights to the top of her thigh. Her knuckles are torn, bloodied.
‘Nothing for me, ta, Steph.’
She shrugs, eyes unfocused. This is the last bar in town that will serve her – she’s banned from all the rest, though even here they take her money before they give her the drinks.
As she slugs back the sticky brown syrup, I say, ‘Time to go, love.’
‘Been time to go for a long while,’ she mutters.
Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s Friday Fictioneers. See the photo and create a story around it in 100 words or fewer. Skip here for full Ts, Cs and to read the other stories.
Word Shamble 
I liked the bits I had to work at (like the connection between torn and bloodied knuckles and her being banned from all the other bars in town) as well as the desperate portrait of despair
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Thank you sweet! I think I must have a thing about alcoholics – I write about them quite a lot 🙂 Maybe it’s our pub culture? You can see a lot of human behaviour in pubs and clubs 🙂
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And nobody understands people like a bartender
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Haha! Or they at least look as if they understand. What they’re thinking in reality? I dread to think 🙂
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Dear Lynn,
You’ve painted a brilliant picture of someone at the end of her rope. I could feel the despair and the fatigue.
I was only a little confused by who was saying what and whose POV we’re in. Perhaps if the bartender was a male. It’s challenging in 100 words, isn’t it?
At any rate, that’s a minor nitpick and I might just be up too early to see it clearly. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. I think you’re right and it was something that occurred to me too. The speech definitely needs more attribution to clarify what’s happening. I’m glad you liked it despite that. Thanks for reading and for the feedback. All the best 🙂
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Double Kahlua and Black Russian vodka, a toxic mix. Hope she gets help, I liked the images, but wondered who Fliss was. Mike
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Yes, Rochelle mentioned a problem with attribution – another 10 words would have cleared things up I think. Thanks for reading 🙂
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On re reading I guess Fliss is the bar tender🙂
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🙂
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Maybe I am a bit simpler than the learned scribes above, or maybe I have just spent more time in bars, but I had no difficulty understanding the conversation here.
Grim, gritty story, heading in only one direction.
Terrific piece of writing.
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Aw, thank you, C. Just a few more words and I would have cleared up the confusion. I’m glad you got the sense of it and thank you so much for your lovely comment. 🙂
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Such a sad story, and the title is so apropos. That last line is a killer.
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Thank you so much Joy. Yes, have met a few people – see some on the street every day – and you wonder how they’re still alive, wonder what it is in them that drives them to such self destruction. Thank you so much for reading 🙂
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Scary thought, how easy it is to get onto that train, and how hard it is to get back off it again.
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Yes, true. Easier not to go down that road at all. I hardly drink, so not a problem for me. Chocolate, on the other hand … 🙂
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Better watch out for that chocolate!
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Weekends only – or I’d be as big as a house 🙂
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Wow, Lynn, you really brought us into her head. I could see that leopard print and the whole scene.
Bravo!
Five out of five on tap.
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Thank’s so much Kent. I feel for our leopard print clad lady, though fear life is just too difficult for her to bear. Thank you for your lovely feedback and for reading 🙂
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You described her so well, I had a crystal picture in my had. What a sad, sad story. Beautifully written.
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Thank you so much. I realised today I’m weirdly drawn to alcolics – in my writing at least. Written two stories about them this week alone! Is that odd? 🙂 Thanks for reading
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She sounds like she’s given up on life.
Sad reality.
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I fear she has – yes, you see it a lot in people. Every day on the street, the lost and the hopeless. Sad lives indeed. Thank you so much for reading 🙂
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My pleasure.
She really sounds despodent.
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I think she is. I suspect her story won’t last for too much longer
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That’s a very graphic depiction of a very desperate individual, Lynn. Well done.
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Thank you Sandra. I fear she is. I’m glad her sadness has come across to people – she might be antisocial but she’s not entirely unsympathetic. Thanks so much for reading 🙂
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She sounds like she has given up and is just struggling along minute by minute. It’s so sad to see people get to that point. At least she still has one friend left. Hopefully, she can get her life turned around and headed in a happier direction.
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It would be nice to think so. Though people have to want change for themselves, don’t they? Let’s hope she gets to that point one day. Thanks so much for reading:)
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A story well-wrapped with that last line!
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Thanks so much Maria 🙂
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I’m feeling a little tipsy after reading this. Vivid despair.
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Thanks Tracey. Yes, despair is the word. Thank you for reading 🙂
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There are many similar scenes around the world, I guess – yours is well-drawn. BTW – I think you slipped up on tense in the last sentence (I said) 🙂
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Thanks for spotting the typo Liz – all fixed. That’s what I get from changing the tense part way through a write! Thanks for reading 🙂
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Having run pubs for many a year, this little tale made me think of a customer or two of mine!
Annie RIP – my short story
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Thanks Keith. Glad it rang a bell with you. 🙂
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I didn’t have problems with the dialogue either. Poor Steph. I hope the place she means to go to is rehab. Great atmosphere, Lynn.
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Thank you, Gabi. Well, we can keep our fingers crossed for her – hope for the best,plane for the worst, eh?
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Oh the sense of the lost echoed in the line “this is the only place…”
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Glad that sense of loss came across. Lost is a good description of the character, I think. Thanks for reading 🙂
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Thanks. I thought lost conveyed more and so used it!
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You’re right – lost is about what she is 🙂
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Sad that people let themselves get to this position. Well portrayed.
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Thank you so much Clare. Yes. Some people lead very sad lives 🙂
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Nice imagery.
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Thanks very much 🙂
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I think I see her “bottom” quickly rising up to meet her.
Good use of 100 words.
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Thank you Dawn. You’re very kind 🙂
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A sad picture of someone very close to the bottom of the heap. I feel for her. Well told.
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Thanks so much Margaret 🙂
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She sounds like one tough woman. With skinned knuckles, she may have been in a drunken brawl. It’s no wonder the other bars have banned her. Fabulous character, Lynn. Good writing. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thank very much, Suzanne. What a lovely comment. Yes, she’s not easy to be around I don’t think. Thanks for reading 🙂
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