Friday Fictioneers : With his teddy tucked under his chin

PHOTO PROMPT © Jan Wayne Fields

PHOTO PROMPT © Jan Wayne Fields

 

‘How long had Danny lived at the campsite, Mrs Brindley?’

Angie waited patiently for the answer – she was used to waiting. Waited for Sara Brindley to pull a tissue from her sleeve, wipe a drip from her nose.

‘Since he ran away from home just after his fourteenth birthday. Three months.’

The scene of crime photographs were tucked inside the file under Angie’s arm, well hidden. No parent needed to see that.

Angie’s son Ben was at home, probably asleep already, Teddy tucked under his chin.

She reached across the table and squeezed Sara’s hand.

 

Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ Friday Fictioneers. See the pic and write a tale of 100 words or fewer. See here to read the other, wonderful stories and to join in.

74 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers : With his teddy tucked under his chin”

    1. Thank you Bjorn. I wonder how often this happens – a detective touched by the horror of what victims have to endure. Glad you felt it worked

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    1. Thank you so much. As they are both huge and brilliant programmes, that is the biggest compliment – thank you Iain! I don’t write detective fiction (always assuming the plots twists required are beyond my plotting capabilities) but I can see why people do. In the few forays I’ve made into it, it’s the best fun to write 🙂

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    1. Thank you Rochelle. I’m sure it isn’t the first time for Angie – and sadly, it won’t be the last. But anyone who can keep their compassion is a good choice for the job I think. Thanks

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  9. Sad story. He moved away from home (probably didn’t have a good relationship with his parents at the time) and some wacko murders him. Poor guy!

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    1. I know and I’m always a bit cautious of approaching subjects like this. I know crime fiction is huge, but it feels odd, writing about such things for entertainment. A tough line to walk tastefully. Thanks 🙂

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      1. Well, you know (and yes, crime fiction is huge right now) only you can write a story in a genre that is uniquely yours. Sometimes trying things outside the comfort zone adds a new perspective that the writers who churn this stuff out on a regular basis don’t get. No problem.

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      3. It’s like director William Wyler, who made a lot of very understated yet incredibly acted films, directed Ben-Hur (a C.B. DeMille type of film) and got his 3rd Oscar for it. Or Alfred Hitchcock doing a “Diabolique” type of picture and having Psycho become one of his best-remembered, if not his MOST remembered works. You never know.

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      4. All beavering away at their craft and never knowing when the big success will hit. Great films all. Well, all we can do is write what we enjoy to the best of our ability and see what happens, eh? How are your own projects going?

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      5. Right now, there’s a really pressing project that is drawing me. It’s a story told to me by the one to whom it has and is continuing to happen. I have run it by Rochelle for some feedback. Once it is done, I will release it (a book, you might say) in serial form on my blog. It is international in scope and intrigue. Also, looking for other work in my career path right now (an even MORE pressing issue).

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      6. Sounds like an intriguing idea. I hope it flies for you. And in the mean time – good luck with your career path. May many work opportunities come your way 🙂

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    1. Oh, Liz, that must have been horrific for you. I can only imagine how awful. I’m so glad you found him and he was safe and I’m sure this happens in the majority of runaway cases. Sadly we only read about the instances where the outcome was not so happy. I suppose I put myself in Angie the detective’s position – my son is only 12 and though having a teenager’s head already, he’s home and safe in bed by nine every night. These moments make you want to hug your own close to you. All the best

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  16. Interesting take on the prompt which looks like such a peaceful place. The link back to the detectives son made the tragic loss of Danny more striking. Such a big story with so few words.

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    1. Thank you Clare. Yes, something inside you weakens when you have children. Vulnerabilities open up that you never had before. Love makes us weak in some ways. Thank you for reading 🙂

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  22. Compassion, fear and relief about her own son (hopefuly) being safe, all perfeclty packed into a few words: brilliant. The teddy line–and title–really are great and say so much.

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    1. Thank you so much for the lovely comment. I’m glad all that came through. Feels like a good start of something, but not sure where it could go next. Maybe one day I’ll figure it out 🙂

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  23. Oh, sad!
    I’ve read two funnier tales back to back, so this was a real sucker punch for me. Great tale, and well told, though. The third line “Waited while…” read a little funny for me. It didn’t seem to mesh with the style and format of the rest of the story. Other than that nit-pick, it was a captivating flash.
    Happy trails!

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    1. Thank you. You may be right about that line, though I wanted to convey a little of Angie’s experience – how she’s used to these situations – and then show how the mum has been crying without spelling it out, so the reader asks themselves why. Hard to convey context in so few words I think.
      Thanks for the feedback and glad it hit you – in a good way 🙂

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      1. I like the line! The sentence structure and the story organization, including not knowing why she’s crying until later. It was the structure of the sentence that made me stumble a bit. If there were other lines without some pronouns and hitting only the actions that way, I might not have noticed it at all. My preference as a reader, nothing more! Again, loved the story! 🙂

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      3. My pleasure. I try to balance my feedback- what worked for me and what (if anything) I struggled with. When I get feedback that way, I find it so much more useful (although maybe not as ego boosting, haha!). I think you have a story here that would be ripe for expansion if you’re so inclined! 🙂

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      4. You’re spot on there. WP is great when you need an ego boost but people are often shy of saying what doesn’t work for them.
        I do like the set up of this – if only I could think of a plot 🙂

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      8. Ooh, that’s a good tip, though I confess to not quite knowing what you mean. Is that for twitter users or in the WP tags? Sorry to show my ignorance 🙂

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      10. Oh, good idea, thanks. Just read to include the post title in the tags as it makes your post more visible to search engines – cautiously, I’d say it does work. Thanks for this tip 🙂

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    1. Thank you Suzanne! Yes, it’s hard. We want our children to grow and experience things but that means we can’t protect them at the same time. It can be a scary world out there

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  25. Lynn, beautifully and sensitively written and hauntingly real.
    My own son is almost 13. It’s a difficult age requiring a lot of patience and understanding…and a thick hide. I am mindful of just how precarious a balance it can be with teens.
    Well done.
    xx Rowena

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    1. Thank you so much Rowena. Your comment means a lot. Yes, they go through tough times, don’t they? You can almost see the turmoil raging inside, how hard they struggle to cope with the world and how they feel. I’m so glad this resonated with you. Thanks for the great feddback 🙂

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