
Image : Google Street View
Norm sat on the porch watching the line of tail lights weave through the Mojave. The traffic coiled back and forth, miles along the road to the east and so far back to the west, it faded to dust.
The screen door banged. His wife, Jeanie, placed a cold beer down, the glass already beaded with condensation. She rested a hand on his shoulder, groaned as she lowered herself to sit.
The distant red lights grew fainter, finally vanishing over the horizon. The sun was almost set, scorching the hills scarlet and purple. Something small and scared scuffled under the creosote bushes. The untidy flap of a bat cut the sky.
‘You think it’s what you heard on the radio?’ said Jeanie.
He nodded. She sighed, slipping her hand into his.
‘Got shells for the shotgun?’
‘Yep,’ he said, reaching for his beer.
Written for What pegman saw, a prompt based on Google Street View. See here to see this week’s original image and to join in.
Ominous and vivid portrait. I’m scared for what happens next!
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Nothing good, I suspect 🙂 Thank you and thanks for reading
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A great start to a much bigger story. Endless possibilities as to what everyone is running from, loved the portrait of the old couple, got a sense of their whole lives sat on the porch watching the world change around them.
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Thank you Iain! Glad that came across – the feeling that Jeanie and Norm are almost planted in the landscape. Thanks so much
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You’re welcome 🙂
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🙂
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Love this. That whole part of the country is just plain nuts. “Free spirits,” as they say. Look up the Integratron if you get a chance. Super strange story there, too. Cheers!
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Yes, I looked into the Integratron – lovely building but a gateway to space travel and a way to talk to aliens? I doubt it very much 🙂 Glad you liked it. Another great prompt picture. These work really well, as if the first image doesn’t appeal, you can search round and find something else that does
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I can see the scene clearly, and how it could unfold into something big, complex and messy.
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Thanks Mary. Glad the scene came across clearly and yes – big and messy is the future here I think 🙂
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Yes, here too. To be honest, it scares me.
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Delicious. Loved “The untidy flap of a bat cut the sky”
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Thank you, Graham. Yes, I was pleased with that line – glad you liked it 🙂
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Dear Lynn,
You set the stage beautifully for whatever is going to happen next. Wonderful writing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks so much Rochelle. Glad it worked – I do love creating an atmosphere 🙂
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And you do it well. Every good story needs a backdrop. 😉
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Thank you 🙂
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That serpent of red tail lights can be seen snaking its way from LA to Las Vegas on any given Friday night but I’m glad the old couple are ready for the few strays who get lost on the way. Ha ha, I’ve been in that traffic and I have imagined all manner of horrors. I hope you didn’t mind my little urban twist on your plot.
I loved this piece,
Tracey
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That’s really interesting, Tracey – thanks for the insight. I’ve often been baffled by the concept of a gambling paradise in the middle of a desert – at once a fascinating and repellent place. Thanks for reading 🙂
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Vegas is definitely worth visiting. Fun in a weird, over the top way. I’m a Nevadan so I can say that. 😊
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It certainly is fascinating. Not sure I’ll ever make it out there, but it really looks like a fantasy made real … in the desert. Weirdly amazing
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Very interesting take on the image, to focus on what *used* to be in view a few minutes ago. Great character sketch of the couple roughing it out in the boonies. Seems like they won’t be alone for much longer though, depending on what ominous hints they got from that radio report!
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Thanks Joy. Yes, not sure what’s coming, but it isn’t good. Thanks for reading 🙂
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Beautifully written. I love the sensory details and the palpable fear of the couple.
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Thank you Debra. Glad you enjoyed the details – I love writing them to set the scene. Something’s coming, I fear … 🙂
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I know you like the short form, Lynn, but this one really lends itself to some sort of continuation. How about three short sections of the length of this one. You can still keep the enigma going.
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Ah, thanks Chris. I do love the flash – instant, satisfying, though a little throwaway too I guess. If I work out what’s happening, I might well continue this one – I did like Jeanie and Norm. I do enjoy the longer form too – I’m writing a novel at present and an ongoing serial. All have their joys:) Thanks for taking the time to read and comment https://lynnmlovewords.wordpress.com/2017/01/09/the-devil-of-moravia-the-first-innocent-falls/
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Creepy, this. Makes me want to run and hide, like that little creature in the bush. Well done. I, too, like the bat line. It describes their flight perfectly.
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Thanks so much Alicia. Whatever is making all those people flee has got to be awful. Still, Jeanie and Norm will stick together to the end. Thank you for reading and your thoughtful comment 🙂
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The aliens from Venus are back!
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Something’s here and it’s bad! Thanks for reading James 🙂
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