https://pixabay.com/en/meerkat-fur-small-face-mouth-316736/
He rests his elbows on the rail, gazing out at the twitching streaks of sandy fur, a few square yards of mounded dirt littered with scraps of drying vegetable.
‘Aren’t they amazing?’
βI guess,’ she says.
‘You don’t like them?’
She shrugs. ‘They’re a bit done, aren’t they β meerkats?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘All that standing on your back legs looking cute and killing snakes – ‘
‘I think it’s mongooses that kill snakes.’
Another shrug. ‘What’s the difference? Anyway, they’ve got the baby faced killer thing down. But they still smell like my hamster after it ate one of itsΒ babies.’
This wasn’t how he’d imagined the conversation. ‘But they look out for one another. Their family units …’
He feels her body stiffen against his.
‘You want to talk about that here?’ she says.
βWell. You know. Spring. Nature in all its fecundity.β
βAnd kids screaming for ice cream. And kids screaming because they βdidnβt see the monkey pooing, Daddyβ. And kids just screaming because thatβs what theyβre good at.β
βI just thought β¦β
βNo, you really didnβt. And next time, take me somewhere that doesnβt stink of dead rodents.β
He smiles. βNext time?β
First posted in response to for Roger Shipp’s Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practioner, Week # 15 2016. See here for full Ts and Cs.
Another repost, this time with aΒ Valentine’s Day theme. Well, ish. Look, it’s about as romantic as I get, alright?
Will be posting and commenting in the flesh again soon, when normal service will be resumed.
Sounds like he’s trying a little too hard. By the way, that title totally sucked me in. Baby faced killer! Haha! π
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Haha! Thanks, Nortina! I know, bless him. I think pretty much sums up her views on kids too – they’d kill her present, free and easy life any way. Have a feeling he’ll talk her round though, don’t you? π
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Oh everything about this is perfect!
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Thank you! Very kind of you. You know, just occasionally, I feel like I might be getting the hang of this writing thing. Only sometimes though π
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Youve nailed it! Several times!
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Ah, thank you, love π Very kind as always X
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Looks like there won’t be another date! I don’t miss dating in the slightest :-). Nicely done.
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Oh, I think these two will have a future – that might bicker their way through it, but they’ll have one all the same. No, dating is awful – you’re quite right π
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You captured that scene perfectly! I could almost “see” that playing out it like a tragic comedy. Well done!
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Thank so much Dorah! Really kind of you to say so. I enjoy writing dialogue, so very glad if you thought it worked well. Many thanks π
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I smiled too, with him. I enjoyed these two! π
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Thanks so much Annie. Thanks for reading too π
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There was so much conflict in this little bit of text that I kept wanting it to explode into something else, whatever that might be. The next bit. I wanted that, whatever it was. I wanted it to blow up, because it seemed to me that it was about to!
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Haha! Maybe when we move away, she stabs him with a stick insect or chokes him with a snake! I think the scene might have got nastier if the prompt hadn’t called for a 200 words or less word count. Things may well have escalated :). Thanks for reading Walt π
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Sounds like they both want different things out of life. A ray of hope at the end though! Maybe on their next date she won’t spend the whole time complaining π
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Haha! I have made the porr girl sound a bit whiny, haven’t I? I think he persuaded her to visit the zoo when she didn’t want to, hoping being surrounded by kids and new life she’d be swayed by his argument. Didn’t work, though, did it? Thanks for reading π
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So much backstory and future imperfect implied in this vignette; it doesn’t need expanding because it already speaks volumes! Wonderful.
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Thank you very much, Chris! I do like a bit of chippy dialogue π Yes, a lot of back story here. I think – he’s persistent and she’s resistant. Must make life in their house such fun. Thanks for reading and your lovely feedback π
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