PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
‘Look.’ Davey pointed to the sky, to the sun shining through dove grey clouds. ‘A silver lining.’
Fizz shivered, fidgeted with her blanket, tucking it tight round her legs. She felt the cold so easily now. ‘Silver tarnishes,’ she said, with a soft smile. ‘I’ll take platinum.’
Her shrunken frame – swamped by the rugged mass of the wheelchair – made his chest ache.
Producing a small velvet box, he lowered himself onto one knee. ‘Funny you should say that …’
In the churchyard three months later, that faultless ring returned to the earth with her.
‘No tarnish for my girl,’ he whispered.
Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s Friday Fictioneers. See the photo and write a tale. See here to join in with the other talented scribblers.
Nicely written and the pic goes well together
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Thanks so much – yes, Rochelle’s pic is a stunner and very inspiring 🙂
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Indeed, it is always my pleasure
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🙂
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So sad
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Thanks so much Neil 🙂
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Achingly sad. So well written.
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Thank you so much. I’m so glad you liked it 🙂
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(Her shrunk frame “shrunken frame”?)
I love how he stuck by her side and that you didn’t let us know what was wrong with her. And the last line is stellar.
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Typo changed – thanks for that. And thank you for your lovely comment – it means a lot
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Beautiful tale. I like how you left us to imagine the happiness of their wedding and the short-lived marriage, before the tragic twist at the end. Excellent take.
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Thanks so much, Iain. I’m glad you thought the structure worked – I wondered if I’d abridged it too much to make sense. Glad the sense of it came across. And thank you so much for reading
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Love this, love this. It was so un you and then the you came through and it heart my heart but was sweet too. Aaaaand… don’t provoke a poet.
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Thank you so much. Tricky sometimes to get the tine right, make something touching without being sickly, put in enough detail so it’s clear what’s happening without overloading the story. This came close to being okay I think. Thanks for reading. 🙂
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*HURT
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I SWEAR I only make typos when excited. And not just on your blog!
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Haha! There mus tbe a name for that – some kind of syndrome I’m sure 🙂
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Oh my, that was so sad, but so lovely.
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Thank you so much – I’m glad you thought so 🙂
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Beautiful and sad. Thank you.
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Thank you so much, Martin and thanks for reading 🙂
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It was a pleasure Lynn. Will return
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🙂
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So very very sad… but at least she had those last three months
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I think they made the most of their time together. Thank you Bjorn 🙂
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Beautiful story.
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Thanks so much 🙂
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That was beautifully sad and what a gift to give her…and himself.
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Thanks so much Dale. Yes, the greatest gift is time, eh?
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Thst it is. I’ve had too many moments to prove it to me..
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🙂
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Oh my gosh, that’s heartbreaking. Well done though, this was beautifully written.
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Thank you so much Jade. I’m so glad it touched you .Thanks for reading
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Just lovely, made better by what we did not know.
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Thank you so much Michael, you’re very kind. I’m glad it struck a nerve for you
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Your story expressed and evoked a range of emotions. Beautifully done.
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Heartbreaking. I am glad that her last days were spent around someone who cared, who valued her all the way to the end… and after.
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Sweet and sad story. I love the last line. Spot on.
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Thank you so much. I’m glad you thought that last line worked – I changed it a couple of times, trying to get the sense of it across. Thanks for reading
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That last line was filled with so much tenderness. I really like how you built up this really devoted relationship in just one hundred words.
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Thanks so much Rommy. I’m glad it worked for you. It’s a great exercise, getting these stories down in 100 words. Sometimes it works and sometimes not – this was a fair stab I think. Thanks for reading
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Very tenderly written. I liked the misdirect with the churchyard at the end.
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Ah, thank you. You’re the only one to pick up on the churchyard reference, a little misdirection of mine – spot on. Thank you for your thoughtful comment 🙂
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Poignant tale, Lynn. One that stays with you a little after you’ve come to the end.
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Thank you so much Chris. I’m glad it hit the right note for you. And thanks for reading
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Dear Lynn,
Such a sweet story. Made my heart ache. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you Rochelle, you’re very kind 🙂
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That’s a sweet sad story.
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Thanks so much 🙂
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Achingly sad, Lynn. More for him being left behind.
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Thank you Jane. I don’t know if it’s harder to stay than to go – both are filled with with what might have been 🙂
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It’s terriby sad, but I’m guessing he knew they didn’t have long together, and he wanted to make the most of it.
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Nothing wrong with that. All you can do is grab at happiness and love while you have it. Thank you for reading, Jane x
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It was a pleasure. Wish I spent more time on your blog, Lynn x
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Thank you so much Jane. You’ve been so supportive since I started this blogging thing 🙂
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I’ve received far more support than I’ve given…
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Nonsense! You’ve been my champion since I started blogging and I value that very much 🙂
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United we stand… 🙂
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🙂 XX
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So much unsaid, but understood. I gasped at the ending, I was so moved.
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Thank you so much, Joy. So glad it worked as intended, even if the intention was a sad one
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Perfect. My words superfluous.
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Thank you so much Chris 🙂
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This is so sad, but also so full of love that it’s not. Wonderful story, Lynn.
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Thanks so much Gabi 🙂
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Beautiful take on this prompt.
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Oh my…that hurt my heart 😦
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Thank you Dawn. And thanks so much for reading
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My pleasure
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🙂
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Beautifully written at just the right pace. Very sad.
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Thanks so much Michael 🙂
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It’s like I could feel the ring turn cold, tarnished or not and the feeling of coldness coming up through my knee. Great visualization:)
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Thank you so much and for taking the time to read 🙂
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Bitter sweet beauty in this love story. Got me all teary. Gah!
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Aw, thank you Dawn 🙂
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Wow! Knocked me for a loop, that ending. So poetic, Lynn. The metaphors of the metals really are integrated well. Score points!
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Thanks Kent! I was thinking of a silver spoon I inherited from my grandmother and how it always tarnishes and how platinum doesn’t – a metaphor for the characters’ love too. Altogether pretty soppy for me 🙂
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Excellent! That’s true creativity at work, Lynn!
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Thanks Kent 🙂
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Love the title and the essence of the story.
Last line says it all!
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Thank you so much. So glad you liked it and thanks for such a lovely comment 🙂
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Oh my God! They were such a loving couple weren’t they? So lucky and wonderful… Such a sad but beautifully written piece! Feedback from writers like you would certainly help me improve my writing. I’m fairly new to the FF group. Could you please give me your feedback on my take on the prompt? You can find it here:
Cheers.
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Thank you so much and thanks for reading. Have read and left a comment on yours – great stuff 🙂
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Thanks! I’m glad you could stop by.
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🙂
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So sad, but beautifully written 🙂
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Thank you so much Sammi 🙂
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Great story Lynn. I love the idea of seeing a silver lining and imagining it tarnishing.
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Thank you so much Thom. Glad the metal metaphors worked for you Thanks for reading 🙂
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Bittersweet, brilliantlly written tale.
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Thank you so much for taking the time ot read and for leaving such a lovely comment 🙂
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My pleasure, Lynn. 😊
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🙂
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