PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot
It’s still early, indigo just crawling up the sky, eating the stars. The diner feels secluded still in its bubble of light, its coffee and pancake fug.
The door opens. Merv Klitschko, greasy trapper hat pulled low, ear flaps creased at his shoulders cos the guy’s got no neck. He’s at the counter, just gets coffee which is weird. Merv’s a man of habit – bacon, eggs, waffles, maple syrup, every morning for the last fifteen years.
I look to see if it’s raining, cos something’s dripping from Merv’s coat, puddling round his boots.
Then I see what that something is.
Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s Friday Fictioneers. Write a story to go with the photo, but in no more than 100 words, please. See here to join in and to read the other, stunning tales.
Excellent post. Really tense. Nice work.
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Thank you Josh 🙂
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I loved the description of Merv
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Ooh, thank you – really glad you liked him. It’s good to work on these brief descriptions, to distil a sense of character in such a small snapshot. Glad you felt it worked 🙂
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I loved the descriptions all the way through…
“…indigo just crawling up the sky, eating the stars.” Love.
I’m thinking… poor Merv.
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Several people loved that opening – I guess that means it worked, eh? 🙂 It could well be a case of ‘poor Merv’. Whatever has happened I think it might be bad. Thanks for reading Dale 🙂
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It definitely did!!
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Thank you 🙂
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It’s great..esp that first line.
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Thanks so much 🙂
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Love the descriptions… but i wonder what had happened to Merv…
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Thanks so much. I wonder too. He might have done something awful. Or he might be in shock, having had something awful happen to him. I think the ending depends on which way your mind turns … Thanks again 🙂
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The suspense is killing me, has he tangled with a bear
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Oh, that’s a great idea! Hadn’t thought of that. If he has, he’s lucky to be alive, I’d say. And what a tale to tell. Thanks so much for reading, Michael
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Such beautiful imagery splashed with some bits of mystery. Who is Merv? Is the something dripping form him or something he’s done…. MORE! Please.
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Thanks Alicia! I think you could take it either way. Is Merv bad or good or was he just in the wrong place at the wrong time … Vampires, bear attack, murder mystery, alien invasion, domestic nastiness. Could lead on to almost anything, this. Thanks so much for reading 🙂
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Indigo just crawling up the sky, eating the stars – forgot to tell you I loved this line best.
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Ah, thank you! A few people liked that line. Thanks so much Alicia 🙂
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Oh Merv, what have you done? Beautiful descriptions as always.
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Thank you Iain! What indeed? Answers on a postcard please 🙂
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Nice clip Lynn…and I love the photo! Like how the lines kind of merge there in the middle, the symmetry of it. The Ketchup bottle. Bill
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The choice of photo is all down to Rochelle who runs FF, so sadly I can take no credit for that. Thanks so much for reading, Bill 🙂
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I have an immediate “eek” reaction. Also, you’ve done it again. The indigo line is perfect!
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Ah, Sascha, thank you so much. That’s a really lovely comment. Thank you for reading 🙂
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Perfect lines, beautiful imagery, superb build up of suspense and a gaping end__ what more can one ask. Sheer brilliance, Lynn.
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Ah, thank you so much Neel – that’s really wonderfully kind of you. Thank you for your lovely comment and for reading 🙂
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Oh Merv… what’s happened. This reads like the start of something bigger. Lovely.
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Thank you so much Claire! Could go in almost any direction … Thanks for reading and the kind comment 🙂
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Ha! The eye of the detective! Where’s the body, Merv?
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What has the man done? Or had doen to him? Or seen … Thanks for reading Jane 🙂
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There are lots of possibilities, all of them horrible!
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Jus the way we like it! 🙂
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🙂
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Brilliant. Especially that first line.
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Thank you! Lots of people lied that opening and I’m glad you did too. Thanks so much for reading 🙂
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Let me guess. It’s sewer sludge. Merv fell into a manhole.
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Haha! Nice idea Russell. And why not? Maybe he was searching for something … They used to call that ‘toshing’ in Victorian London. Searching the sewers for hidden treasure … Thanks for reading 🙂
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Dear Lynn,
When it comes to the art of description, you are without equal. Well done. Left me wanting to know more.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you so much Rochelle! That’s asuch a lovely comment, you’ve made my day 🙂
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Another example of your fabulous skill with description. As to what’s dripping from Merv’s coat, I’m going to take the optimistic approach and guess: maple syrup. He’s been “cheating” with another roadside diner. 😉
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Haha! Like it! That would explain why he’s not ordered his usual breakfast .. Yep, let’s go with that. Thanks Joy 🙂
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Either that, or he’s dripping coffee — from when the other diner found out about this one. 😉
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Diner Wars! Deadly stuff! 🙂
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I love the descriptions. I have a great image of Merv in my mind!
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Poor old Merv. Whatever happened it wasn’t good … Thanks so much for reading 🙂
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Perfectly measure, short, Lynn. Every word has an impact.
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Thank you so much Chris. You’re very kind 🙂
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Perfectly measured, short, Lynn. Every word has an impact.
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Left us hanging
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Thanks for reading 🙂
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I’d like to think he’s a bit clumsy and it’s maple syrup puddling around his feet, but I fear it’s not! Nice one.
Click to read my Friday Fiction
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Thank you Keith 🙂
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Oh that Merv! Love the story. :o)
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Thanks so much and thanks for reading 🙂
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Not fair! You can’t end the story there!
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Glad you liked it enough to want to read more. But where we would we take Merv from here? I might have to torture the poor man some more and that wouldn’t be nice 🙂
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Oh dear. Blood? Good set-up for a longer story about this predictable man who has become unpredictable.
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Ah, thank you so much for such a great comment. And thank you for reading 🙂
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Great imagery and a strong ending. Well done!
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“indigo just crawling up the sky, eating the stars” Reminds me of Emily Dickinson.
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What a lovely thing to say! Thank you so much Kathy 🙂
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Great descriptions, I love the way the ear flaps crease because he has no neck, you can really picture him. What’s dripping from his coat, blood?
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Could be blood, Michael. Someone suggested maple syrup, so we could go with that if we’re feeling more positive 🙂 Thanks so much for reading
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I love the description of the sky – spot on!
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Thank you so much 🙂
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