PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson
I recognise the moon tonight. That same blue white ball that leaves a ghost moon in my vision when I close my eyes. The same clouds, ruched gauze floating in the black.
Do you remember our first night with that moon? Bars of light falling through the palms as if we were walking along the sea bed with fronds of weed waving above.
I think you’ve forgotten it all. How you looked at me. How you made me feel as if that rock was in orbit around us and us the centre of everything.
If you remembered you’d stay.
Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s Friday Fictioneers. See here to join in and to read the other glorious tales.
I saw the moon pic, I thought of the end of a great love … and I had to include one of my favourite ever songs by Echo and the Bunnymen.
I really like the way you created this character, She feels ample
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Thank you so much Neil! 🙂
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That’s beautiful, Lynn. It’s a poem, not flash fiction. Read it out loud – it’s brilliant! (Of course, it’s flash fiction too, but I feel it’s more a poem)
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Thanks Penny! I never try reading my flash aloud, though I probab;y should! Thanks so much for the lovely comment 🙂
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BTW, every time I try to click on your name in comments there isn’t a site linked to it – are you linked to a deleted site?
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Thanks for letting me know, Lynn. Oh dear! I’m really not savvy when it comes to this sort of thing. I don’t have a clue how to find out what I’m linked to, and how to correct it if it’s wrong…
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TBH neither have I! If it helps at all, the message displayed says this – ‘pennygadd.wordpress.com is no longer available’. Was a previous blog called this? Maybe you could contact WP see if they can help you fix it. It’s just as shame folk can’t reach you through the comments box – might put some off finding your blog. Good luck with it 🙂
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Very poetic, almost lyrical, Lynn. Sweet job this week!
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Thank you Kent, for leaving such a lovely comment. Glad you liked it 🙂
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very interesting take on the prompt. So sad, too.
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Thank you so much for reading 🙂
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Excellent story! Lots of vivid descriptions.
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That rock in orbit around us…. Oh yes, I remember that feeling. Devastating. Nicely portrayed.
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Thank you Joy. Sorry I’ve not been around much – trying to catch up a little! 🙂
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You’ve been around more than me, I’m sure — I’m playing my own game of catch-up over here. Good luck to both of us!
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It’s tough going juggling more work, home etc etc. So many lovely bloggers posting so much good work and I feel I’m doing justice to very little of it. Argh! Oh, to have twice the hours in a day 🙂
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I asked for more hours in the day for my birthday, but no luck. 😉
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Haha! 🙂
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Agree with the above, it’s like a prose poem.
Like the Echo song too. That’s a band that I always knew of back in the day but never explored. I like what I’ve heard, but I wish I’d gotten in when the getting was good, if you know what I mean.
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Thank you Walt. I know what you mean about getting into bands at the time – often, discovering them years later is not quite the same. Ian McCulloch – lead singer of the Bunnymen – once said this was the best pop song ever written. Well, you have to admire the man’s confidence – he wrote it of course 🙂
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Heartbreakingly beautiful prose indeed, Lynn
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Thank you very much Dale 🙂
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This was heart wrenching. I could fell her sorrow and her pining for things long gone dead. A beautiful piece of lyrical prose, Lynn.
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Thank you so much Neel and thanks for reading 🙂
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Dear Lynn,
“…ruched gauze floating…” magnificent description. Touching prose…so much in so few words. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you so much Rochelle. Glad you thought that phrasee worked – I worried at the time it might be a little flowery. Thanks for the kind comment 🙂
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Lynn, this was very moving, but alas so tragic.
I thought you would love to read some poems written by Australian poet, Nan Whitcomb who wrote a series of poems called: “The Thoughts of Nanushka”. She has a cult following but her books are sadly out of print. Here’s a link: http://users.senet.com.au/~nanushka/nan2.htm
I’ve read some beautiful poems she’s written about the moon.
xx Rowena
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Thank you 🙂 Thanks also for the link – there’s a lot of wit and a huge dollop of good sense in those words. Thanks for introducing me to such a talent 🙂
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Yes! I loved this!
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Thank you so much Rosemary 🙂
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I wonder if we ever remember the same things…maybe it’s what we forgot that makes the difference
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Memory is such an odd thing, so personal. Our past has as many versions as there were witnesses to it. Thanks for reading 🙂
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So sad and a piece I can relate to. Beautiful, sad. So sad.
My story is called ‘Someone’
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Thanks Keith 🙂
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Ruched gauze–what a wonderful metaphor.
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Beautifully written. Such a tragic last line.
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Thank you. Some things are just not meant to last I think. Thank you for reading 🙂
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This is so emotional, lyrical. Very well written!
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Thank you so much for the lovely comment 🙂
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I find it so sad that some memories drift away, loved your phrasing of this piece .
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Thank you very much Michael. Yes, if only we could bottle some memories, replay them as sharply as when the events actually occurred. Would love to be able to do that for when my son was small.
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Oh yes! To have clear memories of the days our children were growing up – what a wonderful thing that would be! We’re so busy living our time with them that we often don’t notice sufficiently to lay down those deep memories to treasure later.
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I thought I had tried to treasure it at the time, but it seems that pleasurable memories – like the memory of pain – fade with time. I know my son was the most adorable toddler and that I carried him around on my hip and that he held my hand when he tottoered along – but other experiences have sort of overwritten those ones, so that time is just a poor copy in my head. To feel all that again, wouldn’t that be wonderful? Probably a good thing we can’t relive the past that vividly or some of us might never deal with our present at all 🙂
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This is simply beautiful. It’s eloquent…and yet, I know, the past becomes so far distant that memories feel alien.
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Thanks so much Sascha. Such a lovely comment 🙂
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Beaaaauuutl … so veryyyy beautiful . I almost cried . a heavy weight on your heart and
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Gosh! What did i type !! I was typing from my phone and the screen went blank but the half-cooked message went , nevertheless. Now, i am unable to delete it . That is an odd spot in this brilliant frame. kindly delete it on my behalf. Thanks.
I meant to write , your story is beautiful beyond words. Its like one of those writings that linger on and make you sigh when you repeat it in your mind and for a time you feel as though your heart was sinking and yet you wonder “woooooow! “
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It was an interesting comment – lots of letter ‘Y’ and vowels! 🙂 Thank you so much for this wonderful comment – such a truly lovely thing to say Moon. You’ll have me smiling for the rest of the day after that. Thank you 🙂
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🙂
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Lovely and so sad – I love ‘ruched gauze’.
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Thank you so much Liz 🙂
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Some great description here, Lynn. That’s the problem, people attach different significance to things. If they don’t match up neither will the people.
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Thanks very much Michael 🙂
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Oh…how sadly romantic.
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Thank you 🙂
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ruched gauze floating in the black. Gorgeous line!!!! And that last one packs a punch. Kudos.
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Ah, thank you! I liked that section too 🙂
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Lovely and romantic with such captivating description. Good writing, Lynn. 🙂 — Suzanne
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I liked this. Great song also 🙂
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