‘They come at night.’
It is the last clear thing Hutter says. Afterwards there is only the hint of words amid the sweats and anguished mumbles.
As Frau Weber gives over her second best bed sheet for the binding, the party is solemn but nothing more – death is an unwelcome but assumed companion on such an arduous journey.
Then Oma Jansen passes, slumped over her washing stone like a bundle of her own laundry. I sense true fear after Uwe dies. A big man – strong as a bull – falling like a rotten larch. No one speaks of it but later prayers echo loud in the darkness.
It is only after my Margarethe goes that I remember Hutter’s words … at night.
The sun sinks behind the mountain for the last time. Something shifts through the fir trees, sending crows laughing skyward. Cold metal presses against my throat.
Margarethe, I come.
Written for What Pegman Saw, the writing prompt that uses Google Streetview. This week we are in Yellowstone National Park and what a place. See here to join in, to read and comment.
There are some wonderful details in your story – “second best bed sheet”; “death is an unwelcome but assumed companion”; “slumped over her washing stone like a bundle of her own laundry.” They are so exactly right!
Lovely story, as always Lynn!
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Thank you Penny for the kind comments. I love it when people cite particular lines too – let’s me know where I’m going right (and wrong!) I could write more on this setting – I like the idea of a ghosts story in the wilderness, wondering what creatures might be out there, waiting. Thank you again
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Dear Lynn,
The last few lines with crows laughing skyward paints an ominous picture and obviously, the MC’s last impressions. Chillingly well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you so much Rochelle. Wasn’t sure if the crows laughing set the right tone, but sounds as if you thought it wasn’t too bad. Thank you
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Good imagery. I get the impression it’s set in the long ago past, frontier times, with a Scandinavian population~when death by disease, accident, etc, was always there?
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Spot on Larry. That was exactly the setting I had in mind 🙂
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Superb and sinister. The voice works wonderfully and it crackles with tension!
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Thank you Karen
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Oh you wondrous, descriptive writer, you. I was going to remark on the same lines as Penny and Rochelle did. So, won’t now. But know I loved them as well.
Night brings most sinister things in your land…
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Thank you very much Dale for the lovely comment. I’m often drawn to the sinister, sadly! Glad you liked it and thanks so much for taking the time to read.
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I’ll read anything you write, Lynn. 😁
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Thank you 🙂
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Wonderfully sinister suspense – and I, too, loved the little details, like the second-best sheet. But I was thrown off at the end by the metal against his throat. I had been guessing this was some sort of paranormal or magical plague, that perhaps they were bitten by something terrifying, so where does being knifed fit in?
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Ah, I see what you mean. The metal at his throat is supposed to be either a knife, or perhaps the muzzle of a gun as he’s about to finish things before ‘they’ get to him. He’s watched the others die and wants to join Margarethe by his own hand. Though thinking about it, if he was a religious man he’d think suicides go to Hell, which would separate him and his Margarethe forever. Hmm. Good spot Joy. If I expand this tale I’ll have to bear that in mind. Thank you for reading and glad you liked the details.
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Ah, that does make more sense now, thanks for explaining!
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Sorry for being obscure 🙂
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They’re certainly living in a harsh world, to watch everyone die one by one.
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Harsh indeed. Thanks so much for reading
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Lovely build up of tension in this, picked out in the details—the bundle of laundry, the rotten larch…homely images for a very bleak reality.
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Thanks very much Jane. Glad you felt that tension, I wanted it to feel as if something was coming, though that’s a bit ambitious for such a few words. Thanks again
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It’s always possible for a good writer—and you are 🙂
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Thank you Jane. That comment means a great deal coming from you
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It’s just the truth 🙂
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Thank you
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🙂
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Hauntingly beautiful, Lynn and eerily mesmeric. So much spoken of without being spoken, by you, or the characters. This style really suits you, Lynn. would love to read more like this.
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Ah, thanks so much Kelvin. Really glad you thought it worked. I loved the idea of something sinister in the wilderness, people fighting the landscape and the wild and also something ‘other’. I have thought about writing something longer around this. I’ll give it more thought. Thanks again
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This won’t be the last time I say it, but your vignettes always give an inkling of a greater but invisible context, like passing by a lighted window at night and seeing a brief household scene before passing on, wondering how it might fit into the lives of those seen and unseen. You make those fleeting moments so vivid and believably authentic, somehow. Magical.
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Ah, I wanted to write something to capture how beautiful your writing is, but Calmgrove did it for me (and far more eloquently that I would have managed). Just beautiful.
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Thank you so much – that’s a truly lovely comment. Thanks so much for reading
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My pleasure 🙂
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Thank you Chris. And I love that analogy about windows, the idea that the stories and characters have existed before we see them and will exist afterwards too, snapshots of lives. Thank you for the kind comment
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You’re welcome. And it’s all true!
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Thank you Chris 🙂
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Love the details and foreshadowing as well as the repetition. This is really effective, especially because you keep the reader on the hook. Well done.
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Thank you very much Josh
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This story paints a picture of the scene very well.
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Thank you so much. I’m glad it came through clearly for you
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