Friday Fictioneers: The Watching

PHOTO PROMPT © Karen Rawson

 

We called it the Monastery.

It hung over the low field, a precipitous slope of scrubby saplings shadowing the churned cattle way.

We’d pass below the sickly trees, tuck-tucking at Gideon the bull, calming his twitching flank with soft palms.

Something about the broken-tooth ruins made it impossible not to look, impossible to keep looking.

A glimpse of the carvings told me no holy man ever passed there – grinning, malformed beasts, grotesque imps twisted into impossible acts … My memory blanks the worst.

Some wise soul destroyed that place. Still its evil spirit survived to watch us all.

 

This ghost story flash fiction was written for Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s Friday Fictioneers. Be inspired, share, read and comment. See here to do all that.

 

 

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91 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: The Watching”

  1. Truly frightening ij the end. But you capture so well that sense of evil that is palpable in such places. Perhaps an evil spirit/being or perhaps humans with evil practices. In the show Outlander, if you’ve ever seen it, the ruins in Scotland have an allure and sacred mystery, the ones you describe here exactly the opposite. The children may play, but the evil taints the place, exists though the ruins are long gone. That gives me shivers like lol.

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    1. Ah, thank you so much for the thoughtful comment Mandi. I haven’t seen Outlander, though I’m sure I should watch it – the subject is right up my street! Some places really do come with emotions, whether it’s having good feelings about a house or bad ones – such as with this place. I think some of these emotions we pick up on are produced by environment and experience – having high ceilings and good light can give you a god feeling about a home; entering a graveyard can creep you out just because you’ve seen too many horror movies and know their are hundreds of people lying under your feet! Other places … who knows. I’m glad the creepiness came through for you though. Thank you for reading

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    1. Ha! Very true Crispina. The photograph reminded me of a spot on a hill we used to wander around as kids growing up in Derbyshire – and I did think of it as the Monastery, imagining ghostly monks wandering through the tumbled limestone. A dreamer even back then, you see 🙂 Thanks for reading

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  11. Spooky! I like how it seemed innocent at first — the kind of “haunted house” that kids make up stories about but is really just disheveled — but then it becomes clear that something weird and evil was happening – and perhaps still will. Eek!

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      1. You always manage to squeeze a ton of atmosphere in your 100 words, whereas I have to remind myself to describe *something* in the midst of squeezing two pages of plot in there somehow. 😉

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      2. I love your stories! I think you strike a perfect balance between detail, plot and original ideas. Looking forward to hearing about your short story successes – coming soon I’m sure 🙂

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      3. Don’t worry, you’ll hear — I will shout it from the rooftops! So far, only No’s. Although at least I’m getting rejected by a higher quality of market now, lol!

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      4. Ha! It’s hard not to feel a little knocked when you seem to get rejection after rejection – twice I’ve had a couple of no’s in one day and that was hard. I tend to pass through stages – denial and anger and resignation and renewed determination – but it usually all goes in a day or so and then I’m up and writing again. It’s the ‘hits’ that make you keep going, the fact that at least some of the submissions are liked and prove that you can write, even if some of your stories don’t hit the mark the first time. Good luck Joy and keep going 🙂

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      5. Looking forward to that part where I get some “hits” to make it all worthwhile. 🙂 In the meantime, it’s certainly easier to get the rejections when I still have a bunch of other stories out under review. Although at this rate, I’d better sit down and figure out where to send these back out again, or I’ll be back at square one again rather quickly.

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      6. Yes to having a lot of stories out at once. That’s been my mistake – I send out one or two at a time and then after a long wait am left with just one in the ring, then zilch! Thing is, I hit good patches from time to time, where a couple of stories in a row have some success, I get over confident and think the next I write is a good story, bound to be accepted, then … rejection. But I guess successful authors still pitch ideas to their publishers that are turned down. We have to make friends with rejection, accept it as part of the deal, no matter how dispiriting it is at the time. I’ll be ready to pop virtual champagne corks with you when your acceptances come – which they will 🙂

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      7. I’m just glad I’m doing this now, when I’m older and (cough cough) wiser — or at least, can better put the rejections into perspective. 20-year old me would have had a much harder time with this.

        I just keep reminding myself: The road to Yes is paved with No’s.

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      8. I think if I’d done this when I was twenty I would have given up after the first rejection. Not that I would have soldiered through my years of writing rubbish to reach the level of publishable. Had to wait until I was in my late thirties/ forties to develop that level of determination

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    1. Ha! It’s sort of based on somewhere I went to a lot when I was growing up – I did think of it as the Monastery! Though my place was more enjoyable chills imagining ghostly monks, less seeping horror! Thanks Keith

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      2. Ha! Very true. Though I have had a few of those already, some people who can’t read subtext. An interesting phenomenon from a psychological viewpoint but not an ideal reader 🙂

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    1. Thank you for the ‘the’! That’s what comes of partial rewrites. Why can’t we see these things ourselves sometimes? Thanks again. Glad you liked my sinister helping 🙂

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  19. Dear Lynn,

    Tangible menacing atmosphere with a lot of backstory shoehorned between the lines. Skillfully written as always. You left me wanting to know what happened there. Brava!

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  21. Brrrr! Quite a ghost story. It’s strange how some places have such a bad atmosphere.
    You’ve given us some nice descriptions too. I particularly liked ‘calming his twitching flank with soft palms’. Very evocative.

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    1. Thank you very much Penny. Glad you felt it worked, gave you a sense of the atmosphere I was trying to convey. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment

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  23. Oh the tales you weave… this is the type of place that, though we should give it a wide berth, pulls us in… like your words.
    Well done, Ma’am!

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    1. Thank you Dale! Glad the story drew you in. I’ve always loved a ruin, since living near my own version of the Monastery as a child. It was all densely packed saplings and rocky outcrops and crows cawing from the treetops. Ah, the atmosphere. Thanks so much for reading

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  24. Such beautiful writing, every word makes me think about it, how it’s used, why it’s used… and I always learn something. That place feels sinister, even the bull is nervous. With the carvings, however, I was reminded of gargoyles and other monsters as decorations on cathedrals, and of illustrations in old manuscripts, like bestiaries, or even bibles.

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    1. Ah, a woman after my own heart! I do love church and cathedral carvings. I used to live near a town called Beverley in Yorkshire and the minster there has an extraordinary range of medieval carvings, many of them of minstrels playing musical instruments. They have some wonderful examples of misericords too, with some truly eccentric carvings and characters. Thank you so much for reading and your considered comment.
      http://www.docbrown.info/docspics/wolds/woldspage10c.htm

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      1. Thank you for that link, that is an impressive minster. Eccentric, yes, and full of life. I’m fascinated by these fox people…

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      2. I know, they’re wonderful aren’t they. I love the exuberance of medieval sculpture. Even in churches there was an air of pagan irreverence about them, imagination left to run riot. And don’t get me started on Sheela na gigs …

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      3. Why have I never heard of them? What fun! They must be direct descendants of the prehistorical drawings, and stone and ivory carvings found in French caves.

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      4. They are amazing, aren’t they? And especially odd as they can be so graphic and often carved on churches! Seriously, what would the vicar think when he turned up to his new church and found on one of them over his porch? I just love that crossover between pagan and Christian, how the craftsmen saw nothing odd about mixing the two. These crossovers fascinate me, how medieval folk magic persisted past the Enlightenment, into the last 19th century, how people kept hold of beliefs held dear for generations, even if they would be frowned on by modern society. Really interesting and very inspiring from a fictional viewpoint

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      5. Indeed. Maybe it has the same background as the great religious holidays being basically the same as the earlier pagan ones? Easter, Christmas… and maybe with these particular carvings, the celtic fertility rites had an influence, too? The church was pretty good at integrating earlier beliefs in order to not alienate the new people too much. As far as I know, mind you, I know very little about history, anthropology and all that.

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      6. You’re right there – the Church was brilliant at assimilating bits of paganism as long as it didn’t disagree with Christian tenets of course. I like to think there’s still a little Yule / Saternalia running through our modern celebrations.

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      7. Have you read The Golden Bow? Its language is cringeworthy and outdated, but there are some insights in there that made me see many things differently, especially regarding the ‘appropriation’ of rituals.

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    1. Those places where you feel you’re being watched, even as you know you’re alone. Could just be that hind part of our monkey brains looking for threats that aren’t there, a primeval throw back to when we were the hunted. Or it could be EVIL. 🙂 Thanks for reading Russell

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