PHOTO PROMPT © Connie Gayer
A demon sits in Pa’s seat by the fire.
Head to toe brown, bulbous feet slick and shining, bear-like paws flaking crust. The demon smells dark, of fields after muck spreading and woods just before the first snow falls. The demon stares dumbly into the flames, wide bleached marble eyes, pinprick pupils black as his soul.
I shift, my bare feet cold on the flags. The beast looks up and I’m about to run –
‘Esther?’ The demon stole Pa’s voice.
This is the night the river bank breaks, turning our farm to mud.
The night Pa’s mind is lost.
Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s Friday Fictioneers. Join in and share and don’t forget to read and comment. See here.
Word Shamble 
Worthy of M R James, that demon is, fit to assault our senses just by your conjuring him up with words. Chillingly told, Lynn.
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Wow! Thank you, Chris. High praise indeed. While elements of James’s stories are dated, of course,there are few writers who can conjure creeping dread as he can, so I take that as enormous compliment. Undeserved it may be, but I’ll take that comparison gladly. Thanks so much
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Great hook of a first line
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Thank you Neil. I was hoping others would think so. I need to sharpen my openings I think, so glad this one worked. Thanks for reading
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Love the contrast between sitting by the fire yet her bare feet are cold on the flags. You describe what his loss has done brilliantly. You also hint at what the future will be like.
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Thanks Lish. Yes, the loss of his farm has stolen his mind, at least for now. Let’s hope he can come back to himself. Thanks for reading
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How wonderfully creepy. I want to know more!
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Thank you Ellie. I want to know more too! That’s the joy/problem with flash – you imagine a scene but not necessarily what comes before or after. Thank you for taking the time to read
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Such a convincing demon, I’m now sitting here with goosebumps, and it’s not cos I need to shut the window. That was … yea, it was. You do have a talent for the descriptive.
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Thanks so much Crispina. Glad to give you goose bumps! I do enjoy writing this kind of thing, trying to work out what I can say to make a creeping atmosphere. Thanks so much for reading
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I wonder so much about the story… the demon, and the madness… losing a farm is such a hard deal.
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It is indeed Bjorn. Thanks so much for reading
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A great story. I love the way you personify the darkness into which he has been thrust by despair by having his daughter see him as a demon. Wow!
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Thank you so much Penny and I’m so glad you liked it. I’m glad that despair came through – a feeling so strong it has changed the man physically and psychologically. Thanks for reading
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Excellent piece, Lynn. If it ain’t floods, it’s drought and dust storms. It’s enough to drive anyone crazy.
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Very true Russell. Thanks so much for reading – and for the prompt pic.
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Wow! Such a stunning description of the demon. A sad tale in the end. Beautifully done. I love the title!
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Thank you Jennifer. I’m so glad you liked the title. I thought the opening line was quite arresting (unusual for me as I can be a bit rubbish at openings) so thought I’d use it. Thanks so much for reading
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Dear Lynn,
As always, your descriptions are impeccably delicious and vivid. But then you slap us in the face with who the demon really is and it’s like a slap in the face and a yank of the heart. Brava!
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you Rochelle! Love that it affected you in that way. I have such a clear image in my mind of a man covered in mud, totally exhausted from a day and night trying to save his livelihood and failing, the filth and despair turning him bestial, white eyes showing through the black. Glad it seems to have worked. Thank you for reading, best wishes, Lynn
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Wow! What a story! Wonderful writing – so good I had to read it twice. 🙂
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thank you so much Susan. I’m so glad you read it twice! Thank you for reading
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You got me with the first line and then just got better all the way through.
This is a masterpiece of short fiction.
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Thank you, kind C. So glad you liked it. Yes, I wrote an arresting first line for a change instead of having an okay first line and a slow build. Thank you for your kind comment
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Brilliantly done, Lynn. I would expect no less, of course 😉
Farming is not an existence for pussies…
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Very, very true. You have to be tough as nails to even try and then it might still break you. Thank you very much Dale, you’re very kind
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That’s gold in its sparseness. I can’t see what I’m trumping due to font being white with phone! Ha! Which is why I don’t comment as much 😑
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Thank you Bill. Yes, finally got a phone where I can visit the blog and leave comments but find it a real struggle to use. Not very user friendly formats, are they? Thank you so much for reading
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Typing. Definitely not trumping.
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Ha! Made me smile. Didn’t know if you meant the British version of trumping … or behaving like Donald Trump! Funny either way 🙂
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Great hook in the first line, and superb descriptive work. Loved it.
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Thank you Sandra – high praise and much valued from you. Thank you for reading
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Another massive story suggested in a few lines. Great work! This is the exact point of these challenges, and you have got it so right 🙂
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Ah, thank you kindly Jane. That means a great deal from a writer such as yourself. BTW, how’s working with the agent going? You still at the drafting contracts stage?
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Unbearably sad! Such great characterisation! You want to embrace both of them.
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Thank you so much. Yes, they both need a great deal of care and careful handling
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Lynn, this is wonderful descriptive – so good I read it twice!
Click to read my FriFic tale
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Thank you Keith! You’re the second reader to say they read it twice which I take as a great compliment (either that or it was indecipherable!) Thank you for your positive comment
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Behind that wonderfully descriptive prose is a sad story that gets you with a sucker punch.
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Thanks so much
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He wore his demon sadly
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A crushed man, sadly. Thanks for reading
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Wow – this is amazing. Perhaps Pa isn’t totally lost – he still remembers his daughter’s name.
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That’s true, Liz. There is a nugget of sanity left inside him. Perhaps this will be enough to save him. Thanks so much for reading
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Beautifully written. Reminded me of the suicides by farmers.
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Thanks Yarnspinnerr. Yes, it must be a terrifically isolating life – so many farmers suffer from depression and as you say many take their own lives. Thank you so much for reading
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Such an enthralling story, Lynne. I was hooked from the first sentence – starting to picture a supernatural presence by the fireside- then bang – the power of the last line. So well done.
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Thank you so much! I like that idea of the supernatural creeping over into reality, a blurred line between truth and make believe. Glad you liked it
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Powerful. I love the way your phrase “the night the riverbank breaks” reveals the scale of the tragedy in your protagonist’s life.
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Thanks so much Jilly. Yes, I imagined total devastation, a ruined family just at the beginning of their hardships. Thank you for reading
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Wow…that was creepy. Well done!
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Thank you Dawn
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Successfully nailed, Lynn! Marvelously done.
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Thank you so much 🙂
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scary and heartbreaking, a rich range of emotions in just a few words. a beautifully told story ♥️
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Thank you so much Shreya. Glad you liked it
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