‘What do you remember, Casey?’ asked Donaldson.
A bluebottle tapped at the blanked-out window, tangling in the curtain. Decorating the facility like a home had been Donaldson’s idea – better for the children, she thought – but the recycled air still smelt like plastic and singed hair.
Casey smoothed her doll’s skirt, straightened the plaits of golden wool. ‘A stone path,’ she said, ‘the colour of dirty sand. It’s bendy.’ She made a shape in the air with her hand. ‘The trees are black with branches like fingers.’
Zeb’s description had been identical. And Sunny Lo’s.
‘And it smells funny,’ said the little girl frowning. ‘Of the Big River after the flood. And of the day my bunny died.’
Donaldson crouched down, took the doll from Casey’s unwilling hands. ‘Can you go back?’ she said, eyes flicking to the surveillance camera.
The girl nodded.
‘Next time, take me with you.’
Written for What Pegman Saw, the prompt that uses Google Street View. This week, we visit Texas, I’ve used a photo sphere of Wildcat Bluff Nature Centre. See here to join in and to read the other tales.
Word Shamble 
Ooh, now there’s an intriguing mystery setup! Makes me want to read more, which is always a good sign. Something supernatural going on, that so far only the children have been able to find… I wonder what will happen if she takes an adult with her — or if she’ll even be able to. ((shiver))
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Thanks Joy. At first I thought this other world was purely frightening and I think much of it is but it’s also wonderful, magical and I wonder if Donaldson has been there before and yearns to return. Thank you so much for your feedback and for reading
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Definitely mysterious, Lynn. And I’m with Joy, I want to read more. There’s a mesmeric tone in this that I like a lot. Well done, Lynn. Super… stuff.
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Thank you So very much Kelvin 🙂
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Superb. I’m guessing this is one of those internment camps for the victims of ICE, but it could be any sort of refugee setup. Really well done. The use of smell and sight is especially effective.
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It does have the feel of an internment camp, you’re right. One for some very special inmates. Glad you liked the use of the sense and that you felt it worked well – great feedback, thanks Josh
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Oh, and how my imagination is filling in the backstory and jumping ahead to the climax. And I love how you described that smell of recycled air.
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Thank you Crispina! Some peculiar stuff has been happening, that’s for sure and it’s making some people in power feel very nervous. Thanks so much for reading
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Brilliantly done, Lynn. The descriptions drew me in… I, too, feel like it’s someone who has been through a trauma and it is being drawn out of her…
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Yes, I think you’re right. The other world the kids see is both wonderful and terrifying I think – hard for a young child to understand. Thanks so much for the feedback
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Always… 😀
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🙂
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Dear Lynn,
I have to wonder what’s happened to these children who all have the same story. I also am intrigued by Donaldson decorating the facility, but the smell lingers. Lots of mystery. Lots of beautiful writing. This reader wants to know more.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you Rochelle. So glad the story intrigued you – it intrigues me too! I think wherever the children have been is both a wonderful and fearful place. Thank you so much for your kind comments
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As soon as I saw the title, I was hooked. ‘Take me with you’. What could be more enticing than that? You pace the story wonderfully well, gradually revealing details of the family’s mysterious incarceration. Then there’s those lovely human touches – Casey smoothing her doll’s skirt, for example, as she recalls her visit ‘outside’. Naturally the description is vivid – that’s a given with your writing. And finally, that terrific pay-off, going full circle to the title.
A little gem, Lynn.
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Thank you so very much Penny! I’m so glad you liked the little touches – trying to show what goes on in someone’s mind through their actions. The kids have been to a wonderful/terrifying place and some adults would like to go along too/exploit the place for all it’s worth. Thank you for your constructive feedback and for reading
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Love the way you create the mystery, so understated and creepy – especially the phrase – ‘the recycled air still smelt like plastic and singed hair’. I found the mood quite sinister – well done Lynne.
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Thank you very much. So glad it worked for you 🙂
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Great story, but I’m somehow fixated on the poor dead bunny 😦
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Ha! Nothing like the scent of dead bunny in the morning … Glad you liked the story
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I like that one a lot, the ‘bendy’ line. Intensely dark and real.
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Thank you Bill 🙂
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Superb writing as always Lynn! Really pulls me in and leaves me wanting more and more.
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Thank you so much Karen 🙂
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