
There were the remnants of a fire, set in a dip overlooking the canyon. Pike scuffed the blackened ironwood with his boot, kicking up dust and ashes.
‘She was here.’
Root stood silhouetted against the ripening sunset, one foot up on a rock, thumbs hooked in his trouser pockets. He raised an eyebrow.
‘Smart enough to make a fire out of nothing,’ said Pike. ‘Stupid enough not to think we’d find it.’
Root nodded, chewed a fragment of nail from his index finger, spat it into the drop below. ‘Which way?’
Pike pointed down the canyon. ‘She wouldn’t last long out here and she knows it. She’ll head for people, hope she can get a lift someplace.’
Root nodded, heading back towards the Jeep.
Pike smiled to himself. The least he could do was give her a head start.
***
Written for What Pegman Saw, the prompt that uses Google Street View as its starting point. This week we visit Happy Jack, Arizona. See here to join in and have fun.
Oh wow. This is really great. Vivid and realistic and wholly intriguing. Knocked it out of the park!
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Thanks so much, Josh. That means a great deal, thank you
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Great atmospheric writing
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Thanks very much Crispina
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π
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I agree with Josh! You left so much unsaid. Great descriptions! I like the fact that you made the person on the run a woman. She sounds intriguing to me.
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Thanks so much Lish, I really appreciate that. She sounds intriguing to me to and I’m already wondering what her story is. Thanks so much for reading
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Wonderful storytelling, Lynn! My goodness, how you do this time after time blows me away. I wonder why they are chasing her and why Pike is giving her a head start… so many questions!
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Ah, you’re very kind. I wonder all that too. Wonder if Pike is her ex or just really doesn’t like the man he’s working for. More questions than answers in flash fiction! Thanks Dale
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And that’s a good thing!
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Wow! Terrific! The whole story is smashing, but this piece of descriptive writing is outstanding. “Root stood silhouetted against the ripening sunset, one foot up on a rock, thumbs hooked in his trouser pockets. He raised an eyebrow.” It’s so vivid it could be a scene from a movie. Kudos, Lynn!
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Thanks so much, Penny. That means a great deal. Really glad you thought it worked. If I could write as affectively all the time, is be happy! Thanks so much for reading
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Dear Lynn,
I can only echo what’s been said. Wow. You did nail this one and left me wondering who ‘she’ is. So well done as always.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks so much Rochelle. Glad you felt it worked. Thank you for the lovely comment and thanks for reading. Hope you and yours are well
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You’re always welcome, Lynn, cause it’s always true.
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π
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Here’s mine from last week. https://rochellewisoff.com/2020/04/05/spirit-of-love/
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I always love your writing, but what I especially loved about this piece were the fact that you had a woman on the run (I’m rooting for her already), and the skillful way you rendered the scene and actions. Kudos!
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Hi Karen! Nice to ‘see’ you. How’s the book going? You almost there? Glad your liked this one. Wondering why she’s in the run myself and hoping she’s skilled enough to evade them. All the best to you and yours
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Another masterpiece, which says so much yet hooks us with a million questions.
Pike, hmm, you a fan of Robert Crais?
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Thank you C, I appreciate that very much. No, never read any Robert Crais. I don’t read much detective fiction, to be honest. The only ones I’m tempted to read are Kate Atkinson’s Jackson Brodie books and that’s only because I love her other books. I just thought the name Pike was suitably spiky and aggressive. Have you read him? Any good?
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Love the little details of their mannerisms, that get across so much. And what fun intrigue — who is she, and why is Pike giving her a head start? So many possibilities! I especially like Pike’s line about her being smart enough to start a fire from nothing — and did he really think she was stupid enough not to realize they’d find it? Or was he lying about the whole fire situation, to throw Root off the trail?
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Ah, could be. One things for sure, Pike is walking a line of his own, somewhere between Root and the mysterious woman. Thanks so much for the thoughtful comments, Joy
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Watch out, it sounds like you might be formulating a great idea for a longer story again… π
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Haha! Not another one π
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