I’ll admit, I was jealous of my brother. While my life was unremarkable, his was extraordinary.
Beautiful girlfriends. A house in Kensington. Holidays to Tonga, Maui, Cambodia.
He lived in the house ten years, but as I walk the rooms, my footsteps echoing, the place feels like a feature in a style magazine. No photographs of family on the mantelpiece. No scrappy school paintings pinned to the fridge or toys on the floor. Not even a dog basket cluttering the hall.
I cuff my cheeks dry. The man had so many trophies and won nothing.
***
Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s Friday Fictioneers. See the prompt picture and let your imagination fly. See here to join in.
Loved the last line. So true.
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What a delight to see you here so early, with your usual clinical dissection of a life.
Not even a dog basket…
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Well, I like my own company, but even if feel dissatisfied with this man’s life. Thanks so much, C
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Very poignant and wonderfully written as always Lynn. So often true, as well.
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Thank you so much, Matthew. It’s one of the saddest things for most people, being alone and lonely, isn’t it? Must be hard for many at the moment. Thank you again
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A surgical disection, Lynn. Brilliant
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Thanks Neil
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Dear Lynn,
I come here for my weekly portion of magic and I’ve never been disappointed. That last line sears and sizzles with truth. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you so much, Rochelle
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There are such people. And the way they tell it, you’d think them the bee’s knees. But it’s a cover. We know that, even they do not. Yea, I like your tale. Hope I haven’t just insulted your brother. Oops.
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Haha! I have two brothers and fortunately, neither of them are like this. Yes, I’ve met people who judge their lives and those of others in their earnings and possessions but it seems a hollow way to live your life to me. Don’t get me wrong, I want stuff, but it’s books and plants not Bugattis and designer shoes 😀. Hope you’re well
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Yea, I’m fine. And you are too? Yes, I guess you are, cos you’re writing. 🙂
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Yeah, writing’s going okay – 50000 odd words so far. Just trying to be as productive as possible before I return to work. Are you managing to write? At least we’re allowed out more now – will you get more photography done now?
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Daughter & I going out Monday, but I’m still being careful of my back, so no ultra-long distances. Meantime, yea, I’m writing. Learning to Fly is now out to betas, but I’ working through Alsalda, 3rd draft… and I can see there’s at least another edit required before I ever think of that going to betas. It follows a family’s various responses to the unprecedented changes wrought by invading, though friendly, immigrants. Basically set at the change of Neolithic to Bronze Age and heavily inspired by the arrival of the Beaker Folk.
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No better person to write a story about the breaker people! Hope the beta readings go well too. You’re always busy, always full of ideas
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Yep, gotta keep at it. Actually, I keep saying I’m gonna take a day off writing. But… then do I do?
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Ha! It’s just part of you and hard to ignore a chunk of what makes you you
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Yea, it won’t let you be 🙂
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Poignant portrait of both people. It implies more than it states. Well done.
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Thanks Josh. Great feedback and very gratifying. That implied information is so important isn’t it? Thanks again
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Always such a brilliant take on these challenges, Lynn. How often this is so true.
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Thank you, Dale. Glad you felt it worked. And yes, it’s very easy to look for the wing things to give our lives meaning. Thanks so much for reading
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🙂
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Love that last line. An excellent picture of an empty life.
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Thank you so much! I’m really glad you liked it. It’s a cliche, not everything that’s worth while can be bought. Thanks for reading
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Powerful last line.
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Thank you very much! Glad you thought so and thanks for reading
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Epiphanies like this are the spice of life. Good story, Lynn.
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Very true. Thanks so much for reading
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You’re welcome, Lynn.
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This is a thought-provoking post. I’ll settle for my ordinary life any day–although I’m sure some would consider it charmed. Good one, Lynn.
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I know what you mean. I consider myself lucky in a global scale but my life is pretty small and ordinary compared to many. Thanks so much for the generous comment
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Brilliant final lines! Loved this.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks so much Susan. Really glad you liked it
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It’s all in perception, isn’t it? If the brother’s happy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Or is he just filling the void caused by something like a fear of intimacy or an inability to connect? Deep, thought-provoking story.
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I was going for the second take. But I think most of us would think someone had their priorities askew if they don’t value human contact. Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Nobbin
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The last line says it all. But then who knows, maybe trophies made him happy.
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Very true. It’s sad if that’s all he had in his life, though. Thanks so much for reading
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A lot of people, especially my compatriots, used to look at me with pity because I don’t have kids. I used to find it very belittling. But what they can’t see is that I have a very rich inner life which I wouldn’t trade for anything. What we see of a person is only the tip of the iceberg.
Sorry, didn’t mean to argue with your perspective, just putting forward mine.
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Strange how some people think having kids is the main purpose of life when there are so many ways to live and be happy. I suppose all I meant with my story was that the man had no relationships he valued in his life. Now that’s just not good for people. Thank you for reading the story with such thoughtfulness
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True! 🙂
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Life on the other side. Society tries to make us believe via media that the great house, career, holidays etc is happiness. It’s a lie. No one can be that happy, not all the time and after a while it leaves an emptiness. Thought provoking story.
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There have been studies that suggest once people have enough money to cover house, food and other basics, any extra cash doesn’t actually make them any happier. You need to be happy in yourself first, is day. Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment
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I can agree with that research. 😀
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That last line was the BEST I have heard from anyone in a long time, Lynn. When someone is so well-accomplished like that, he really doesn’t leave much of a legacy in terms of children or family. Sure, he got what he probably wanted to do and maybe he actually DID change a few lives along the way. Nice work, Lynn!
Five out of five tickets to Tahiti. 😉
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Thank you so much! That’s really good of you to say so. Pretty sure I won’t leave much behind so far as global accomplishments is concerned but I also think my son is going to grow up to be a good man, so job done 😀
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Loved this. I liked the emotion mixed with the clinical dissection.
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Thanks so much, Sandra.
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Great description of differing life styles, the sterile and the homely. Brilliant last line, Lynn
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Thank you so much, Michael
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Thanks so much, Michael. Glad you liked it
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We learned so much about them from just a handful of words. Brilliant.
My short story
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Thanks so much Keith. Really glad you liked it
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What a first line! “I’ll admit, I was jealous of my brother.” If that doesn’t draw the reader in, nothing will, ever!
And then a comprehensive dissection of a sterile life.
And what a clever piece of writing “I cuff my cheeks dry.” Five words that tell us that her brother is dead and she is grieving, which redoubles the poignancy of your closing sentence because now he has no hope of ever experiencing a fulfilled and loving life.
Brilliant, Lynn. A jewel.
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Thank you so much, Penny. What a truly lovely comment.
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Outstanding piece. You set it up well then knocked it out of the park with the closing line.
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Thank you so much, Russell. Really kind of you to say so
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This reminds me of the night we found our neighbor dead in her bed. She’d been dead a while but we never really saw her come and go even though she was very active so didn’t wonder. It was mid-summer so the lack of lights in her house said nothing. We let her best friend into the house ~ we shared cat sitting ~ after she arrived on our doorstep saying she hadn’t heard from Karen for a while. And there she was in bed with her laptop beside her. Hours later the sheriff was waiting for the coroner to arrive and I went over to keep him company. He mentioned how sad her house made him. No family pictures, no books. You captured that feeling so well.
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Oh, my word, what a story. That must have been horrifying for you, Lish. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Some people love such tragically lonely lives. Thank you so much for reading and for sharing your story
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I guess we all arrive with nothing and leave with nothing.
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Well, that’s very true. Thanks for reading, James
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In the end, the trophies aren’t what matter, are they? Well written!
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Thank you so much Russell
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Everyone’s justified from their own point of view. I loved the concept and the narration here, Lynn.
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How very true that is. Thank you so much, Varad. So glad you liked it
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Excellent.
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It seems that her brother missed out on a lot. Not even a friendly dog.
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I know, poor man. Looks like a sad life, at least from the outside. Thanks for reading
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Touching.
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Thanks very much Dawn
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Excellent. So poignant and so relatable! Especially great final line.
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Thanks so much Na’ama
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Such a sad tale of loss…loss of a brother and a loss of a life.
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Thanks very much for reading, Joseph.
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My pleasure!
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I love how you built up to the final line, Lynn.
Glad to be here after eons.
Have a great week ahead!
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Thanks Natasha. Sorry for the late reply, been writing the first draft of a novel and the blog has been ignored for a few weeks. Hope you’re doing okay
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No worries at all.
Congratulations, Lynn. Would love to read it once it’s out. I wish you loads of luck. I’m sure it will be a book to treasure. Keep me posted please.
I’ve been well, yes. Thank you.
Stay safe.
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