Wednesday Word Tangle: If garlic be the food of love…

What do these foods have in common: oysters, chilli peppers, chocolate, avocados, bananas, honey, coffee, watermelon, pine nuts, figs, olive oil, strawberries, artichokes, pomegranates, cherries, pumpkin seeds, asparagus, almonds, garlic, basil?

Well, oysters taste like really salty snot (so I’m told – not having tried either, honest). And asparagus makes your wee smell. Oh, and you can get a rash from eating too many strawberries, but then as I hear eating anything in large enough quantities is toxic (yes, even chocolate – oh, the humanity!) then that’s no shocker. Eating a lot of garlic makes you smell like you’re sweating aioli …

So combined they’d make the trippiest salad since my Nan decided to save money by picking her own mushrooms for supper, but they also have something else in common, which I’m sure most of you’ve guessed from the inclusion of oysters.

Yep, they’re all APHRODISIACS. 

There must be various reasons for this attribution. Some just taste and smell nice, triggering the pleasure centres in your brain: some contain chemicals which get your blood pumping harder. For some, I’m guessing it’s the shape: bananas, asparagus – and for the ladies – oysters, though if an intimate part of you is shaped like an artichoke, I’d seek medical attention immediate. Or join one of those human circuses where the acts pierce themselves with whatever they found in their dad’s tool box – and good luck to you.

Aphrodisiacs are named after Aphrodite, Greek goddess of love and beauty, though quite honestly, the Greek idea of sexiness takes much to be desired, no pun intended.

One myth states Aphrodite was born of sea foam (her name meaning ‘foam arisen’) after Cronus castrated Uranus and threw that part of him most treasured into the Mediterranean. Not much of a turn on, especially for poor old Uranus. She was ill-tempered, easily offended and incredibly vain, though part of that could be because she was married against her will to Haphaestus, the ugly god of smithing.

She was also… now, how do I put this delicately? Trashy.

She had affairs with EVERYONE God or mortal, it didn’t seem to matter. Adonis was a favourite, though his mother was a myrrh tree, so Christmases with the sort-of in-laws must have been fun. It’s hard enough knowing what gifts to buy a human, let alone a tree. No use for Amazon vouchers there.

Aphrodite also made Paris fall in love with and kidnap Helen, who was already married to King Menelaus of Sparta, thus triggering the Trojan Wars… and just because she wanted to win a beauty contest Paris was judging.

This girl’s serious trouble.

So, next time you nosh on a watermelon, chomp on a fig, or take a swig of your morning cup of Java, just keep your urges to yourself – you never know where they might lead you.

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Especially dedicated and inspired by Kittykat and her own Words for Wednesday