‘Tell me again why you were here, Stephen,’ said Walker.
The kid’s preppy clothes were grubby, shirt cuff button missing. His knuckles were scuffed bloody, one cheek purpled by a bruise the size of an egg.
‘I said.’ Stephen sniffed, wiped his nose on his sleeve. ‘Everyone comes to Cedar Pond in the summer. We hang out.’
‘Yeah.’ Walker crossed his arms, leaned against the squad car. ‘I came here when I was your age. Swam. Smoked some blow. Were you guys smoking , Stephen?’
The kid’s head dipped, eyes on the ground.
‘Man, we used to get up to some stuff.’ Walker crouched beside the boy who winced as he took his hand. ‘Never ended up with knuckles like that though.’ He stared into the terrified eyes, then past him, across the wide glassy black of the lake. ‘My girlfriend never went missing either. Where is she? Where’s Jennifer?’
Written for What Pegman Saw, the writing prompt that uses Google Streetview as its jumping off point. Do join in, share, read and comment on the other stories. See here to do just that.
I know the trees in the picture aren’t pines, but something about the area – and the dark tales surrounding Clinton Road – reminded me of ‘In the pines’ also called ‘Where did you sleep last night?’ I was familiar with the Nirvana Unplugged version and Kurt Cobain’s screaming last chorus (always makes my hair stand on end – in a good way) but I only today listened to an early Lead Belly recording. Equally magical.
Wow! That sets a few hares running! Is Jennifer OK? Is she at risk, or is it too late? Is Stephen a perpetrator or a victim? How can Officer Walker give Jennifer the best chance of survival, assuming she’s still alive? Great story, Lynn! It pulled me in immediately. It’s cinematic in its vitality.
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Ah, thank you Penny. I do hope Walker can save Jennifer too – and that Stephen isn’t covering up something truly sinister. Thank you so much for your kind comments 🙂
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Stephen as in “Stephen King?” Been talking about him in the comments section of my story.
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I saw that. Maybe it is the same Stephen. Maybe that’s where ‘the King’s’ stories began, one night out on Clinton Road
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You never know.
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Chilling, dark and tense. Took my breath away at the end!
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Ah, thanks so much Karen 🙂
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The spare imagery and the dialog make this really effective. Super creepy story.
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Thanks so much Josh – creepy is very much what I was hoping for. Thanks for reading
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I thought the dialog in this flowed very naturally. Now I’m full of questions. Who did he fight with? Did Jennifer give him that bruise on his cheek, or was it ‘something else.’ Enjoyed the suspense of this.
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Thanks so much. Yes, I wonder at the answers to all those question s too. Something has gone badly wrong and Stephen isn’t telling the whole truth, but whether he’s a killer … Thanks very much for reading 🙂
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Great job! Please check my writing 🙂 I need feedback from good writers like you. It’s very short : https://thebiligualwriter.com.
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Thank you very much! Good luck with your own writing
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Thank you for your encouragements. I will do my best.
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My pleasure
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Oh, the patience of the officer! The questions he has and the ones you leave us with! Perfect.
(Kurt Cobain practiced in the garage behind my husband’s parent’s house in Aberdeen, WA before he became famous.)
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Thank you very much Lish. Glad you liked it. I liked the idea of Walker trying not to spook the kid too quickly, of him working up to the big questions. And were you parents in law Grunge fans? Probably not after a while … 🙂
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Oh, goodness, no! They were way past the age of enjoying grunge! You made me laugh, thanks.
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Haha! I would have loved it 🙂
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Great song choices! I would also like to know what took Jennifer.
Bob Seger’s “Fire Lake” comes to mind as a song choice to accompany a tale like this too. 🙂
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Thanks Cara. I don’t know that Bob Seger song but I’ll try to search it out 🙂
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Another brilliant flash, Lynn. And thanks for sharing the Lead Belly clip. I wonder how many kids today (ugh, I’m calling them ‘kids’ now) are drawing inspiration from someone like Lead Belly in the way Cobain did.
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Thank you Walt. I’d like to think young musicians would still hark back to brilliant artists, however old. Though bands like the Stones were heavily influenced by Lead Belly and other blues musicians from the generation above them – does that mean current musicians are looking back to the eighties for inspiration? Thank you for reading
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I hope so! The 80s were great! 🙂
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Well, not all of them … Over here we had The Birdy Song and Stock Aitken and Waterman and if you’re unfamiliar – bad, bad pop! 🙂
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Yes, and there was Mickey by Toni Basil, and Starship’s “We Built This City,” which all but brought me to my knees. But Ratt and their ilk, plus the Violent Femmes, The Cure, and also fantasy metal like Flotsam & Jetsam…. where else could any of that have come from but the 80s!!!!!
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We Built This City – Urgh! Hard to believe they were largely the same band that recorded White Rabbit years earlier. I am an eighties Indie girl really – The Cure, The Banshees, Fields of the Nephilim, Sisters of Mercy, New Model Army, the sounds of my youth. But as with all decades it was a mixed bag and half is best forgotten.
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OK I’ll give you a full “like” even though you’re only half on board! 😉
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🙂
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Really like your story, you capture this moment between Stephen and the officer so perfectly – the kid’s bruise the size of an egg, his snotty nose, his hurt knuckles, create an implied sense of some awful event that’s just happened. The officer cares, and where is Jennifer ?
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Thank you Francine. I’m glad you liked the details, the implied trouble that has gone before. Where is Jennifer? I know where the officer thinks she is as he gazes acorss that big old lake … Thanks for reading
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Dear Lynn,
As always, your descriptions put me in the time and place. Chilling ending that leaves me hanging in the balance. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you Rochelle. Some thing bad has happened, though apart from Jennifer vanishing, I’m not sure what it is yet. Thank you for reading and the kind words
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Oh dear. I don’t have high hopes for finding Jennifer alive. But is Stephen a victim or the perpetrator…?
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Yes, indeed, what is Stephen? I’m not sure I know myself yet. Thank for reading 🙂
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Definitely not one for The Friend, Lynn, though you can see a professional editor at work!!
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Haha! No, not a Friend friendly tale! Thank you very much for the kind comment Kelvin
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You, Lady, are brilliant and really know how to weave a tale that brings us right *there* into the scene. Wonderfully done!
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Ah, thank you Dale. Your comments are always so uplifting 🙂 Glad you felt it worked and thanks for reading x
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Always. xo
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x
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